The Friends
by mashnut
Summary: Some are friends. And some become more than that.....
1. In the Begining

The Friends 

A M*A*S*H Fan Fic

I don't own the M*A*S*H characters, Fox does.

The 1 character I do own is the main one, so don't complain or copy me.

Any factual errors aren't my fault. I wasn't actually around for the Korean war!

This fits in somewhere after Frank leaves. But there is no Charles, 'cos then there would be no story!

From the moment that I stepped off the jeep that brought me to the 4077th, I knew we would be friends. He was standing there in his red dressing gown at roll call. 

It was just finishing so I waited before going up to the commanding officer. After going to the C.O.'s office, Colonel Sherman Potter told me just to see a Captain Pierce after giving Corporal Radar O'Reilly my details. The tiny Corporal wanted the usual answers so I told him

"Captain Jennifer McDuff, BAMC202217818, blood group O." He said nothing and wandered off which seemed a little odd, with the formalities over I headed outside.

I wanted to find that guy with the red dressing gown. But it seemed that I didn't have to bother since he was outside the office waiting for me.

"Captain Hawkeye Pierce. You must be my new nurse." he said with a drop dead gorgeous smile.

"Captain Jennifer McDuff. Most call me Duster. Your nurse? You are so far out the ball park, you're outside in the parking lot." I may be Scottish but I've spent a lot of time with Americans.

"Well, the old nurse went home, so…"

"You assumed that I'm her replacement? I'm not. I'm the new surgeon. I think you're the person I was to report to." 

"So_ you're _the new surgeon. Fancy a drink?"

"I suppose you can't get a good martini around here?"

"Good no. Strong yes."

"The kind that puts hair on your chest?"

"And some places I'd rather not mention in the presence of a lady."

"Me? A lady? You are kidding."

"I meant Major Margaret Houlihan, head nurse. Hotlips, that's what most call her. Only once though." he said in a whisper as we passed a rather important blonde woman.

As we reached a tent, he opened the door that read the "Swamp" and announced loudly

"BJ, we've got a new surgeon!"

I spoke to Margaret on my first day of "meatball" surgery. She told me all the ways of the camp's most vibrant personalities; Hawkeye the womaniser, BJ's love for his wife, Radar's premonitions, Potter and Sophie (his horse) and his wife, Klinger (after a section 8 via women's dresses), Father "Padre" Mulcahy (camp Priest), herself and Donald Penobscott (newly weds) and not forgetting my predecessor Frank Burns. Frank went nuts after Margaret and Donald got married (he was cheating on his wife with Margaret). I think she was waiting for a woman that wasn't a nurse to gossip with. We sparked a few arguments in the operating theatre with some of the things we said.

While Hawkeye was there, Margaret, the nurses and I started talking about his womanising. We had a little help BJ and Colonel Potter, who seemed to think it was time Hawkeye got what was coming to him from the women at camp.

From then on Hawk, BJ and I spent all the free time we had in one another's company. BJ and I got on but I had the feeling that he thought I was getting in the way of him and Hawk. Like I could split up that pair. Hawk never came on to me. We were friends, brother and sister, we shared a lot; practical jokes, working 14 hour shifts, all night drinking sessions, working for 14 hours then having an all night drinking session (I could drink the two of them under the table) and turning up for roll call in dressing gowns (mine is green). Klinger said that if we did that too often he would never get his section 8 because we would get them first. 

I initially stayed with the nurses, but it became clear that their tent is crowded and I spend all my time in the "Swamp". I moved in after about 5 weeks at camp. Hawk and BJ threw me a tent warming. They must have been hard up for entertainment, it was their tent and the still was working over time anyway, but it was a good time. (I was the last man standing.) Margaret complained, Potter shot her down saying nothing was going to happen between any of us.

I hate to say it but Sherm was wrong……

It all started with Hawk and his nightmares. I don't want to think about what might have happened if they hadn't come back. (BJ told me they happened before Frank left too.)

On a rather too warm night, Hawkeye work screaming, drenched in a cold sweat. BJ and I sat bolt upright in our cots. I went over to calm Hawk down, He looked just like a small frightened child. I scooped him into my arms, rocking him back to sleep with a lullaby used on me as a child when I woke up in the night. BJ had gone back to sleep and Hawk was dropping off, I found myself wide awake, waiting in case Hawk woke up again.

Next morning Hawk refused to mention it so I had a shower and went on post-op duty. 

That night the same thing happened again. I couldn't sleep so I read a little of my book. I thought no one noticed, I didn't think that BJ was awake too.

The pattern continued for another week. With me getting no sleep what so ever. BJ came over and asked what was wrong with me. Well I was sitting in the mess tent with my 6th cup of mud/coffee (it's the same thing) and it was only 1000 hours.

"How much sleep have you gotten since the nightmares started?" he said quietly, which was pointless since the tent was full and most can't hear themselves think at this time in the morning (that's a good thing).

"None. I sleep till he wakes me then I can't get seem to drop off again."

"I'll deal with it. Don't get up tonight. I will." he left as suddenly as he had arrived.

As BJ had promised, he calmed Hawk down and took him for a walk. Well, less of the took, more dragged. I only heard one thing BJ said to Hawkeye.

"You're having problems? Who is calming Jennifer, when she's worried and losing sleep over you?"

When I woke the next morning, BJ had gone on duty and Hawkeye was sitting on his cot, crying. 

"Hawk, what is it?"

"I couldn't tell you. I can't tell you."

"What is this about? I'm sorry I didn't get up last night but BJ told me not to."

"I don't mind that you didn't get up. BJ told me that the real reason that I had nightmares is because….because I'm not telling you something I should."

I got up and went over. Sitting on his cot he stared in to my eyes. His bright blue eyes shining with tears made my heart jump into my throat. It stayed there as he continued.

"I love you."

For a moment I couldn't reply.

"All this time. That red dressing gown. I thought we'd just be friends. Like brother and sister."

I wasn't making a lot of sense. Tears ran down my face and Hawk brushed them aside. He slowly pulled me close and kissed all the tiredness and worry from me.

As we parted I managed to say, in no more than a whisper.

"I love you too, Hawkeye."

"Call me Benjamin, please. Every one calls me Hawkeye, you're the only one I love."

"O.K. I love you too, Benjamin." The smile on my face was a mile wide.

"Finally, you've told her. Can we all go back to normal service?" After the quiet, BJ seemed to be shouting. Destroying the moment Benjamin and I had.

"Normal? In this war? Could you give us another few minutes?" Ben said, never taking his blue eyes off mine.

"Nope, Duster's on duty now." Replied BJ.

"Wait for me." I said as I changed and left.

"Always."

I had only been on duty for an hour or so when BJ came in.

"There's a new patient, I think you should take a look at." He was using his poker face (the one where he has a good hand and has to hide it) I could tell.

"What patient? I didn't hear any choppers. Can't you deal with it?"

"It needs you, not me and he stays here."

I let him lead me to the mess tent. I wondered what the two of them were up to.

The tent was unusually empty, at this time of day it should be packed but the only people there were Ben, Potter, BJ, Margaret, Radar and now me.

"This is the worst case of woman trouble I've ever seen," Stated Potter, "Could I get an explanation Jennifer?"

"BJ you do the honours. While I try to wake Hawk up."

"I think you should do the explaining." Retorted BJ

Ben was sitting opposite Sherm with an empty mug half-way to his mouth, staring straight ahead, wearing a goofy grin on his face. Even like that I still thought he was the most wonderful guy in the world.

"Benjamin?" I said as I gave him a gentle shake.

I ignored the "did she just call him Benjamin?" remarks that followed. As he came back to life, I sank onto the bench next to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He looked into my eyes giving me the smile that made my legs turn to mush on the first day. His arms found their way to my back and pulled me close, so we were a hair's breadth apart.

"Are you O.K.? BJ brought me here, you zoned out." I only had to breathe the words for him to hear them.

"I'm fine. I was thinking," He moved closer to my ear, "about us getting a little R&R some time."

"Good idea but could it actually happen?"

"It'll happen. Trust me."

As we broke apart, Sherm cut in.

"I guess that answered my question. BJ, do you want Jennifer's shift?"

"I don't think I want to be in the "Swamp" right now anyway." BJ answered

"It's O.K. BJ. I'll finish my shift. Ben, I'll see you later." I got up to leave and Ben caught my wrist, pulling me back for one last kiss. 

"Ben," I mumbled through his soft lips, "I've got to go. I'll see you tonight."

When I finally got away and back to the work I should be doing, I forgot about any R&R at least until the war was over. When BJ took over he mentioned that Ben had been in conference with Potter for most of the afternoon.

Walking back to the "Swamp", I wondered if there was a possibility that he wasn't joking about R&R. There's no privacy in camp. Margaret has her own tent but she is a Major and I did choose to sleep in the "Swamp", but it wasn't sleeping I was thinking about. I crashed out on my cot without getting changed. Ben coming in late put a blanket over me and whispered "Good night, you'll need your sleep." as he slipped the 6 day pass into my hand.

"ATTENTION, ATTENTION ALL OFFICERS TO REPORT TO COLONEL POTTER'S OFFICE IMEDATLEY THAT WILL BE ALL"

"WHAT was that?" I groaned, "The sun shouldn't be that bright surely?"

As we got up I realised that there was paper stuck to my face. I know that I fell asleep with my clothes on but I didn't think I was holding anything. I looked at it. 

"A SIX DAY PASS!?!"

"Don't shout, please." Groaned BJ

"Ben, did you get this for me?"

"Yep. I got one for me too." Came the reply from under a pile of blankets. I ran over and gave the bundle a hug. Ben unwrapped himself from the bed clothes and pulled me under. We snuggled close, whispering things we would do on leave together.

"We've got to go, people. Sorry to break up the party." BJ butted in.

As we walked to Potter's office, the space between Ben and I closed up till you couldn't get a sheet of paper between us.

"No wonder they execute people at dawn. Who wants to live at 6 AM?" Commentated Ben

"It's 9 AM, Hawkeye!" BJ corrected him as we reached the office.

"Good. You're all here. An aid station needs our help. I'm not sending Jennifer." Boomed Potter

"Why not?" All three of us asked at the same time. We settled into our seats. Margaret and Padre had already arrived.

"Because they are under heavy fire. I don't want to send a woman to the front if I can. Hawkeye you're it."

"Sexist." Margaret and I muttered as Ben nodded and walked out. I ran after him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just hate going to the front."

"It'll only be a day. You'll be fine. You have that R&R to look forward to."

"O.K. I'll go. I'll see you tonight."

He left in a jeep stocked with supplies after I had to go into the O.R. So I didn't get to see him go.

I only started to get worried later on that night. Sitting in the O. Club isn't a lot of fun without him. Father Mulcahy tried some new tunes, usually I tried to help when they didn't sound right but my heart wasn't in it. Radar jumped up looking worried.

"Choppers?" Asked BJ

"No it's Hawkeye. He's…..he's hurt."


	2. After All That Has Been

"What do you mean hurt?" I wasn't too calm but I stopped myself from hurting Radar.

"I just saw an over turned jeep. I'm guessing it's Hawkeye's and it's not far from camp."

BJ moved over to my side and took my hand.

"We need to get moving." BJ seemed truly calm.

"Colonel Potter is coming." Just as Radar said it in walked Potter to find a white faced, silent Officer's Club. Everyone looked at a shaking Radar as he recounted what he saw.

"Right we need a jeep, Radar, BJ…"

"You are not leaving me behind this time. BEN IS HURT!" I was shouting at my CO.

"O.K. You can go but you must calm down. BJ look after her." He started ordering others to sort out an ambulance but all I could remember was the panic and BJ gathering me into his arms. We were both shaking and his heart was going a million beats a minute.

As soon as the bus was ready, BJ, Radar and I jumped in. We took medic bags, I hoped we didn't have to use them.

It was too quiet a night for a war zone, BJ continued to hold on to my hand as Radar drove us to where Benjamin lay.

An overturned jeep came into view, he held my hand a little tighter.

"This the right jeep?"

"Yes, Sir." Came the quiet reply. We jumped out and started a search.

"Ben." I let out a small cry. He was awake just, moonlight showed up the blood on his forehead. It stuck the floppy black fringe together and ran over his lifeless blue eyes.

"Hawk, can you tell me what's wrong?" BJ hit doctor mode.

"Just my head. I think I passed out." His reply was broken, strained, and quiet. Tears ran down my face. I hadn't cried since he told me he loved me. I helped BJ bandage his head and take him back to the bus. Radar stayed very quiet as he drove slowly home. I cradled my dear Ben in my arms, talking the whole time, keeping him awake.

We were hustled into the OR as soon as we got back. The OR had never been so packed for one patient. BJ and Potter were operating to relive the pressure on his brain. I wasn't going to leave his side neither was Margaret or Padre. Klinger and Radar stayed outside watching through the door.

I stayed as they moved him to post op. But I must have fallen asleep because I was woken by BJ the next day, Ben had regained consciousness.

"Jennifer?" He was back, I had my Benjamin back.

"You O.K. now? If it hadn't been for Radar…."

"BJ told me what happened. I took a corner too fast, running from snipers. At least I'll still get that R&R." He was fine. He was trying to joke.

"Two more weeks here though, for you anyway. I might have to go find myself another man." He looked a little hurt. "Joke! Why would I want any other man when I have you?"

At least Ben was allowed to go back to the "Swamp". For the occasion I pushed our cots together, there's never enough room for two people in one of them.

We spent the next two weeks curled under the blankets and bribing Radar into bringing us breakfast in bed. Even when the bandages came off his head, I still though the last two weeks had been a dream. His hair still flopped and covered the stitches. The eyes still had the blue sparkle with the faint covering war would put on everyone's eyes. And we still had those 6 days in Tokyo, alone. 

"Say goodbye to our kaki green home." I'd never seen him so happy.

"Goodbye kaki green home." I repeated. BJ, Potter and Margaret came to see us off. BJ had been a pillar of strength during the accident, I thanked him for everything but there was something that he wasn't saying. Ben managed to organise the hotel and transport, so I just sat back and waited to arrive.

The look in his eyes as we reached the room told me that I wasn't likely to get the bath I so needed. We toppled onto the bed entwined, but I had to pull apart and suggest a joint bath. (I wanted to experience clean sheets on a clean Ben. A very good idea.) Yet in true Hawkeye style he made a joke about clogging the plug hole with the dirt. So I turned on my heel and went to have a bath.

Ten minutes later, submerged in bubbles, he knocked on the door.

"Can I come in?"

"Why not."

I gasped as he walked in wearing nothing but his boxers and dog tags. Man, he is so cute.

"You can do my back if you like." Where were the cheesy lines coming from?

"Only if the joint bath is still on offer."

"Of course it is."

He turned around and removed his boxers. There is this little hollow in his back right above the world most perfect butt. I slid forwards and he climbed in behind.

"You don't need to wear the dog tags you know." I said as he rubbed my back with these little circular motions which are so soothing they could put me to sleep.

"I know but these aren't my dog tags." He stopped rubbing.

"Don't stop. What do you mean not yours?" He reached forwards and put the tags over my head. I pick up one of them.

"But they have your name on them."

"Radar got a second set made. You have my real tags. I'll wear the copies from now on. But the those are yours along with my heart."

I turned around so I was facing him, my knees between his legs and my arms finding their way around his back.

"I love you."

He picked me up out the bath and dried me off with a fluffy white towel and carried me back to the bed. Everything he did was soft and gentle. The last thing he said was "Jennifer, I love you more than you will ever know." Right before we fell a sleep.


	3. Old Ghosts Never Leave

I awoke early, Benjamin's sleeping form still curled around where I should have been. Pulling a sheet from the floor where it had been dumped the night before I wrapped it around me. I wasn't going to walk around stark naked even after what we shared. Running a finger over his tags where they lay around my neck, I called room service. The hot cooked breakfasts arrived and the smell alone got Ben out of bed.

"Bacon in the morning. How did you know?"

"A rather big footed bird told me."

"BJ?"

"Actually, Klinger."

"Little snitch. What's up with the sheet?" Ever the exhibitionist, Ben was still naked.

"I'm not exactly ready to walk around naked."

"What if I do this?" He pulled me over to him on the bed and burrowed into my sheet too.

"Could we get breakfast first?" I had to ask.

"Nope."

In the next few days we rarely left the room, we did off load any emotional baggage that was cluttering up the relationship. I called it a relationship, this was the most adult I had ever acted. I had to admit that Benjamin was the first guy I had slept with. It shocked him, but he realised that it was better that it was him than another bloke that I never really cared about.

We arrived back at camp more in love than ever, only the camp seemed to have run out of everything but patients. We had to go straight to OR. We all worked for 12 straight hours. BJ and I went back to the "Swamp" before Ben since he was still battling to save a young Korean girl. It gave BJ and I a chance to talk.

"He told me all about the women he's been with."

"Did he tell you about Carlye?"

"Who is Carlye?"

"That will be a no then. Carlye was the one woman he said he really loved. She came here but they couldn't work together. The break up last time was too messy. She transferred out."

"Was she a doctor?" My voice was really calm for what was being said. The problem was that Ben was hiding one of the biggest things to happen to him. It set off alarm bells and trust issues in my head.

"No, just a nurse." I removed Ben's dog tags from around my neck and placed them on his pillow.

"Tell him I do not wish to speak to him. I'll be in Major Houlihan's tent, but don't tell that to Pierce." I didn't want to use Ben or Hawkeye, it is too familiar. I don't know him anymore. 

I got up and ran to Margaret's tent. I didn't want anyone to see my tears. I knocked on the door and she let me in immediately. I collapsed on her cot tears covering my face.

"He said he told me about all of the girls. He missed the one he loved the most."

"Carlye?"

"You knew?" My world had gone to pot.

"She told me when she put in for the transfer. It was over for a long time. She got married. Pierce just couldn't get over it. I thought he had found the real thing with you. I saw it from that day in the mess tent, when you had to come and wake him up." I smiled remembering that grin, his glazed blue eyes, the look he gave me as he woke. Margaret said she would set up a cot for me and I could stay on the condition I talked to him.

"Only if he apologises."

I was alone in the tent the next morning since Margaret had duty. Pierce came over to talk, he brought BJ with him. I could smell the gin on Pierce's breath and his blue eyes were bloodshot. I left them standing in the doorway.

"I have to explain." BJ started.

"Explain what? That the one guy I thought I could trust was hiding things from me. After the things I told him." I spat those words at both of them.

"Jennifer, I did not lie when I told you I loved you. The Carlye issue is too painful just now. I thought I got over it. I tried to tell you." Hawk was fighting some inner pain, his eyes showed it all.

"It was over long ago." I retorted. There was less venom than in my last attack. I didn't want to give in but it was becoming a hard task. Love doesn't go away overnight, the same was probably true for him and Carlye. 

"The open wounds are still there. Salt got rubbed in the last time she turned up. Don't let the same happen to us. Please." I went over to him and took his long, white, surgeon hands into mine.

"This isn't the end for us or this issue. I'll need time before it's all back to the way it was."

"At least have these back." He held out his dog tags. I took them. BJ slipped out of the door.

"I've missed these. They're all smooth and worn." I was getting sentimental. Again.

"Sorry." He pulled me into his arms, took the tags from my hands and put them around my neck.

"It was like you didn't trust me or something. I missed you last night. The cot was cold without you." So much for alarm bells, that cheesy line bell was ringing again.

"I couldn't sleep. I hit BJ when he told me he told you."

"I didn't see a mark."

"It was his stomach. It wasn't a hard punch before you start." 

"Did he tell you why he brought it up?"

"Nope."

"I think he was trying to break us up."

"He couldn't. He wouldn't."

"I thought there was something between us. After your accident. He was being strong, holding my hand, holding me and when I thanked him he said if you had died, he would have made sure I wasn't alone. He and Peg have been having problems too." Ben tensed up.

"Weird."

"Don't hit him again. His ploys didn't work. You're still here. We're still together."

"O.K. I won't hit him. Only because you said so."

Margaret was delighted at the fact that we had made up. In fact, when Benjamin dropped down onto one knee in the mess tent three weeks later during breakfast, there wasn't a dry eye in the house.

"Jennifer, we've seen off accidents, bad food and coffee, bombs and even ghosts from the past, yet the time I've spent with you has been the best of the war and I never want us to part. Will you marry me?"

"Yes but I have to tell you something."

"What is it?" He whispered to my ear. He had gotten of the floor and was sitting next to me.

"I'm pregnant."


	4. Should I Stay or Should I Go?

****

If he hadn't been sitting, he would have fallen over. His face turned white.

We got up to leave but we couldn't get past all the people trying to congratulate us. Colonel Potter had to break up the crowd and lead us out. All three of us went straight to the C.O.'s office.

"What's going on?" I couldn't not tell the C.O.

"Shall I tell him?" I had to ask Ben.

"Go ahead. He'll find out soon enough."

"Can someone tell me?" Sherm was getting impatient.

"I'm pregnant. Benjamin's the father."

"Pierce, how could you let this happen?"

For once there wasn't a smart alec answer. He looked at me and smiled as if what had been said was just now registering.

"How late are you?" He had taken on a concerned look.

"Three weeks. I thought I would wait. Make sure."

"You haven't been late before." 

"How could you tell?"

"Like I could miss getting my head bitten off every month." He smiled again. I never knew that he would notice.

"Very touching but I'll have to send Jennifer home." Potter brought us both back down to earth.

"Why?" What I really meant was "I have to leave Ben?".

"I can't keep pregnant women at the front."

"You want to deprive Benjamin of being present at the birth of his first child?" What was it about Potter that made me want to fight with him?

"I can't let you stay."

"What home do I have to go back to? A family who will disown me for having a child out of wedlock? A place where it's hard enough to get a job because I'm a woman, never mind the fact that I'll be a single mother?" I couldn't keep calm anymore. For three weeks I had been fighting with myself, worried that it might all come to this.

"I don't want you to stay." Ben sounded distant, like he too was fighting the urge to say I should stay.

"What the HELL do you mean?" I exploded at him.

"I don't want you to get hurt," His hands found their way around my back, pulling me closer. "I don't want our child hurt."

"Where will I go? I can't go home. Saying that, home is thousands of miles away in Scotland."

"You can go back to Crabapple Cove." We had forgotten about Potter, Who was watching us from behind his desk.

"We'll still be separated. I'll still be alone." I'm becoming incredibly self centered.

"We'll be married by then and the war should be over soon. It will be hard but my father will look after you." I leaned in and kissed him. He came up with some great ideas.

"I don't want you to miss seeing your mew born child."

"I don't want that either. We'll be O.K." He moved one of his hands so that it was over our baby.

"So are you going to go quietly?" Potter was sitting with a pile of forms, with my name on them. I took one last look at Ben and turned to face the C.O.

"I'm not going anywhere." I spun around and walked out.

I had ended up back at the "Swamp", BJ was out, so I kicked off my boots and curled up on my cot. The morning sickness got me up at 0300 (I am usually up at 0500) and at the moment all I wanted to do was sleep.

"Honey, are you awake?" Ben had returned. I wasn't in the mood to talk. I only looked at him.

"Is there anyway I can talk you out of staying?" One of Benjamin's great qualities is that he wouldn't make decisions of his partner.

"I'm staying at least until the baby is born."

"Potter will let you stay till we can get married." Ah, so that's what took him so long to follow me.

"Eight more months?"

"Four." I hated to be weak but I cried again.

"Why is this making you so upset?" Ben moved so he was sitting in front of me, looking into my face.

"I don't want to leave you. I don't want to go home or to Crabapple Cove. I only want to stay here with you." I am regressing to a small, clingy child. He sat next to me and I fell against him.

Somewhere in the region of ten minuets later, BJ returned to fine me, still in tears, wrapped in Ben's arms.

"What's wrong? Trouble in paradise?" BJ had a great way of destroying the moment.

"Jennifer is pregnant." Ben held onto me just that little bit tighter.

"So that's what has you so upset, this morning. You should be over the moon."

"She's going to have to go home."

"I imagine so. How long has she got?"

"I bargained with Potter, to buy her another four months."

"Traveling at five months pregnant?"

"It'll be O.K. How do you know it's five months?"

"I live here." BJ rolled his eyes, " The only time you have spent together was the R&R." BJ wandered off to tell the rest of camp.

"I'll go." I felt that it was time to speak.

"Go where?" Ben mumbled into my hair.

"Home. Four more months. Then I'll go home." I spoke to his chest.

"Which home?"

"Your home."

"Thank you."

"Why?"

"Because I wouldn't want to move. Because I have a hundred other selfish reasons. Because I love you."

Life went on. Wounded came, we fixed them, they left. Preparations for the wedding started to accelerate. Klinger made the dress, Margaret and BJ were to be maid of honor and best man, and Potter (after I apologised) agreed to give me away.

Father Mulcahy performed a simple service, which was attended by everyone at camp. Radar played piano, Margaret's Donald turned up to thank BJ and Ben for the body cast they gave him, but Klinger's dress was the showstopper.

It hid the four-month bump, the skirt flowed to the floor and the bodice was the most intricate piece of beadwork ever created. Two months of work went into that dress and I am forever in his debt. Benjamin bought these matching rings which had little doves inscribed on them.

I managed not to cry until Padre said, "You may now kiss the bride." Ben did the hand over the bump thing again and reminded me exactly why I was doing this.

We didn't get a honeymoon, wounded poured in and all of us spent most of our time the O.R. During one of the longest shifts I've ever worked, this dull ache spread across my body from my stomach. I started dropping instruments, short blackouts and shaking. I felt my legs give way. I looked down as I fell, I saw blood, not the blood of any patient, but my own. 


	5. Now and Forever

Mashnut speaks ~~~~~ I mean what I say. I can and will hurt Hawkeye if I don't get more reviews. Thank you to all the lovely people who have reviewed already. ~~~~~ Thanks to Heather and Anne D. (The mash detail proof readers) and Anne W. (The spelling and grammar proof reader) ~~~~~ That will be all. 

I woke back in the "Swamp" and in my own cot. Benjamin sat next to me, sleeping. He looked like death warmed up, white faced and black eyed. BJ was on his cot and awake. He had the same white face and black eyes.

"How are you?" He whispered so as not to wake Ben. He moved over to me.

"My….OUCH!" I tried to sit up.

"Don't move."

"I learned that much. What happened?"

"I should wake Hawkeye first." He crept over towards him. Ben jumped at the first touch.

"Honey, are you O.K.?"

"Yes, I am fine. Can someone tell me what happened?"

"It….it w-was a miscarriage." Ben finally managed to say. He must have been up all night. Worried out of his mind. Then the reality hit me like a wave hits the harbour wall. Pure shock. My baby is gone.

"It's all my fault….I shouldn't have let you stay." Ben was blaming himself. I couldn't let him do that.

"Ben don't blame yourself. I wanted to stay." Ben walked out. I looked over at BJ.

"What?"

"Hawk has been doing this since it happened. I'll go after him. Margaret should be here soon."

Margaret turned up a little later, BJ and Ben hadn't returned.

"You're looking better."

"I wish I could move. Ben is taking it really hard and I think I'm in denial."

"He wouldn't let anyone touch you. I had to get him removed so that I could clean you up. Why denial?"

"I feel no sadness. You looked after me?"

"I didn't think that you would want BJ, Colonel Potter or a nurse. It's normal to feel that way. It's because the grief hasn't hit you yet."

"Thank you."

"What for doing my job? Being a friend?"

"For caring about me. Ben hasn't really cared, all he's worried about is himself."

"That is his way of showing his grief. When he figured out what was going on, he burst into tears. BJ took him away. Colonel Potter and BJ had to finish the patients without him or you. Radar and I carried you into the exam room."

"Oh, God. I messed up everything. Poor Radar."

"Radar didn't understand and still doesn't know. You didn't mess anything up. I'm here for you, if you want to talk."

I talked myself out over the next few days to both Margaret and Padre. Meanwhile Benjamin was not talking to anyone, except his still.

I thought it was all my fault that he wasn't speaking, I could hardly get out of bed in the mornings. Just when my world was starting to look up I lost the one solitary thing that made me happy. That thing wasn't the baby. I love children but they aren't the "be all and end all". I lost Benjamin. I lost the friend I had before and the man I love. I did the only thing I could do. I put in for a transfer.

Until the transfer came through, I moved in with Margaret. She tried to talk me out of going and to those ends she called in Radar, Klinger and Potter. None of them understood that Ben had put up a wall that no-one could get over, only him. Potter gave me R&R in Tokyo. Three days in the city that brought Ben and I closer together. Except now I was alone and the idea was to give the two of us breathing space.

I did a lot of thinking there and I went back in a new state of mind. If Ben didn't want to talk then I don't care. I will go on with my life and if I stay in the 4077th then so be it. Potter had refused to except the transfer anyway, that's how I got the R&R.

Margaret wasn't happy. I moved in with her permanently. BJ had spent all of his time over those three days I was away coercing Ben into talking to me. While everyone was at the 15th repeat of "The Thing That Ate New York" or whatever movie it was, Ben came to Margaret's tent and actually spoke to me. I didn't want to see that movie again anyway.

"I'm sorry." So he came crawling back. I wasn't going to be as weak as last time he came to "talk".

"What for?"

"Being stupid. We should have talked about this before now."

"It was no-one's fault for the miscarriage. I could have gone home. But I didn't. You could have sent me. But you didn't. It happened. I talked it over with Margaret and Padre. You regressed to drink. We dealt with things our way. The only thing we did not do was talk to each other. Our relationship was built on openness and communication. That ended." I ran out of things to say to him. He had sat down on the cot, while I paced the small tent. Now it was his turn.

"I don't know why I turn to drink. I did the same at the time of the Carlye incident. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk. I couldn't. You were strong, I admire that. But I don't have that strength. Not to fight something that I had just gotten used to. Then it was taken away so suddenly. I panicked when I saw you faint. All I could picture was the blood. I've worked on so many wounded but it wasn't the same blood. I don't know how to explain it." I started to fiddle with the ring on my finger. The little dove that showed that our lives together will be spent in peace time not the war in which we met. I sat down next to him. Ben's hands were shaking.

"I should have sent you home."

"Ben, there was no way I was going home. It's likely that it would have happened anyway. At least you were here."

"I've also messed up what we have."

"You mean our marriage? It got a little overshadowed. I'm still Mrs. Benjamin Franklin Pierce….. Darn, I can't be called Duster anymore." Ben smiled, the tired, worn-out look lifting from his face.

"Only BJ called you that anyway, Mrs Pierce."

"That means there's two Dr. Pierce's. Think of the fun we could have with that."

"That's the Jennifer I know! We could torment Potter."

"Even Margaret, when we're in the O.R."

Another argument dissolved. I have no idea were Margaret slept that night but Ben and I took full advantage of the tent being empty.

Just like we had said, we tormented anyone who called one of us Dr. Pierce. Ben and I were working at opposite sides of the O.R. 

"How come I'm getting the easy jobs?" Since I had started back all I seemed to get the ones requiring the least work.

"You're not well." Potter had a way of getting to his point.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that you shouldn't be working."

"I am fine. It took two weeks but I am fine now. I would appreciate not being treated like some child. Get me a difficult case, now."

"Pierce, could you control her?" Potter wanted this over quietly.

"Yes, Darling. Please be quiet." I cut in.

"Darling, I didn't say anything." Ben at least knew how to keep a good joke going.

"Oh but you did, Darling."

"When? Darling."

"Could someone stop this?" It was starting to drive Potter up the wall.

"Last night, Darling."

"So we heard." BJ jumped in, before someone tried to hit us.

"Heard what?" I had to stop the joke.

"Tent walls aren't that thick, you know."

"Benjamin, could you get us out of this?"

"Nope." Gaah!

"I would like to thank you for making me sleep in the nurse's tent last night." So that's where Margaret was. The statement was followed by a chorus of complaints from the nurses.

"Could we keep it down?" Potter wanted it to blow over, preferably soon.

"Yes, Sir!" Came Ben's shout.

"Whatever." BJ was fighting with a bleeding patient.

"I'll finish this later." I couldn't let the argument drop.

After that bizarre scene in O.R. things between us all settled back down. BJ even told me why he brought up Carlye. BJ and I sat in the mess tent, talking about what happened between me and Ben during the last few months. Especially with Carlye.

"I have no idea what went on after I left you that night." O.K. so it was a bit of a lie. I knew Ben punched BJ in the stomach and that he drank himself into a stupor. But that is it.

"Hawk hit me. He said it wasn't my place. But you had to know. I had to find out if he told you. It would be a kind of proof, to me anyway."

"So what was it? Why did you tell me?"

"I told you because I wanted to show you how much of a womaniser he is. And that he wouldn't be honest. And, yes, there is a part of me that wanted to break you up. Because I loved you too."


	6. Complications and Jawbreakers

~~~~~ Hi again, mashnut here. Like I would hurt Hawkeye! I love him as much as any of you. ~~~~~ Thanks for reviews. ~~~~~ Thanks to Annabelle and Sweet Preserves. You guys are so great. Sorry if the names are wrong. I have the net at uni and the story is typed at home. I haven't found a way of correcting HTML once saved at home. And I only know pen names. ~~~~~ See you at the end of the chapter. ~~~~~

"What the heck do you mean love? What about your wife?" I could not believe this.

"Loved. Past tense."

"I don't want a grammar check. I want an explanation."

"Maybe I got confused but I thought I loved you. I pushed Hawk into saying something when I found out he loves you. I wouldn't leave Peg. I had to find out if Hawkeye would be faithful. You gave me that chance. It was the biggest ammunition I had. Carlye hurt him so much. It was a big thing for him to tell you. But he didn't. I got angry. How dare he hurt you. How dare he hurt the woman I had grown so close too. Not since Peg have I loved someone so." Before I caught my breath BJ got up and stormed out. I got the feeling that I had just stamped on a raw nerve. Did Ben know what was going on? Had BJ told any of this to Peg?

When my brain came back to earth, I found I was walking towards the "Swamp" having left the mess tent. At least BJ wasn't there and Ben was on his own, asleep.

"Ben, wake up. Wake UP!" I wasn't getting through to him. I tried a new tactic.

"Yo, Doc! WOUNDED!" That got to him.

"Wounded?" Ben was a little bewildered.

"Nope. But I had to get you up. BJ told me why he did it."

"Did what?"

"Told me about Carlye." He sat straight up.

"You mean why he told you?"

"Yes. He said he loved me."

"HE SAID WHAT?" Ben scared me with the look on his face.

"He did try to break us up, because he thought you would hurt me. He used Carlye to show me you wouldn't be faithful. It worked. Not for long. But it worked."

"HOW COULD HE?" I had to restrain Ben. I had to finish what I was saying.

"He told you to tell me you love me. He pushed us together because he would never leave Peg. He only wanted me to be happy. Even if it wasn't with him."

I couldn't hold Ben back any longer. He was more than angry and liable to do something stupid. I ran after him as he stormed towards the showers and dragged BJ away from the shower door.

"WHY DID YOU THAT?" Ben had all his anger aimed at BJ.

"I told the truth." BJ gave me a look that read "why did you tell him?". The shouting was drawing a crowd.

"YOU TRIED TO BREAK US UP!"

"Yes. I did. I had to show Jennifer what you are truly like." Colonel Potter and Margaret came running out of Post-Op. Ben swung at BJ and caught him in the eye. BJ recoiled, pulling back his fist to retaliate.

"STOP THIS BOTH OF YOU!" I jumped in between them. Everything slowed down as BJ's fist flew towards me not Ben. I heard Potter shout, Margaret scream and Ben cry as BJ's punch connected with my jaw. I felt heat, the blood as it flowed from my lip, the ground as I landed and the Korean sun as my head started to swim.

"Jennifer, Jennifer, are you O.K.?" Margaret's voice filtered through the fog in my head.

"Honey, don't move. I think your jaw is broken." Ben kneeled at my side. Potter and Margaret crouched at the other side as Radar and Klinger brought a stretcher. The only person I couldn't see was BJ. 

"Where's BJ?" Only with my busted jaw it came out "Fwhare'ss Feej?"

"The M.P.'s got him. Hunnicutt's being held under house arrest at the "Swamp"." Colonel Potter replied. Ben and Potter lifted me on to the stretcher and carried me off to O.R.

As I woke from the anaesthetic, pain shot through my mouth. Ben was still awake this time.

"Don't try to talk. Your lower jaw is broken and you lost 2 teeth. Potter and I pinned it back together. BJ will be taken to Tokyo for court marshalling tomorrow."

"Fon't fet them foo fat. Fell them fo fet fim fo." What I meant was, " Don't let them do that. Tell them to let him go." Ben handed me paper and I wrote down what I had tried to say, along with "How long would it take me to get better?". I may be a doctor too, but I hadn't seen my own busted jaw.

"Why do you want BJ to get off after what he did to you?"

"It was an accident. I'm not pressing charges," I wrote, "and you did hit him first."

"O.K. I'll go tell the M.P.'s to let him go."

"That punch was aimed at you. I stepped in between you." I scribbled down, I really wish I could speak.

"I still don't like it." Margaret walked over from one of the other patients in the Post-Op. I could only wave to say hello.

"How are you doing? That was some hit you took."

"She wants BJ set free." Ben answered for me. I showed Margaret what I had written to explain it to Ben.

"You have a point, I suppose. Are you sure?" I nodded my head.

"You can't push her into doing anything she doesn't want to do. Even though I have tried long and hard to get both you and BJ court marshalled several times." Margaret, at least, agreed with me.

"I have to go to the M.P.'s." Ben got up and left me in Post-Op.

Ben returned with BJ quite quickly. BJ had developed one heck of a shiner on his left eye thanks to Ben's right hook.

"Thank you." BJ sounded like he was a bad actor reading lines of a script.

"As I said it was an accident." I wrote down for him, "You should make up with Hawkeye."

"How?" I think he was ad-libbing now.

"I don't know. Say sorry?" This not speaking was driving me up the wall.

"I'll try." Ben led BJ away.

I have no idea what BJ and Ben talked about but it worked, slightly. They made up enough to agree that Ben and I should get a tent of our own. Except that the only other tent left was the V.I.P. tent. Saying that it was the only tent with an actual bed. Potter said we could stay in the V.I.P. tent whenever there wasn't a visiting member of the "Decorated Army Nutcase Society" or those above colonel. 

Two months passed before I had another reason to worry. I might be pregnant again. There was no way I was telling a soul. After the last time I couldn't risk a repeat. Three or four more months before I tell anyone, even Benjamin.

~~~~~ I need your help. Should the baby's name be Henry (as in Lt. Colonel Blake), Daniel (as in Hawkeye's father) or John (as in Trapper)? Answer by review or e-mail, please. Thank you in advance. ~~~~~ That Will Be All For Now ~~~~~ Next Chapter Soon (as soon as I get a name) ~~~~~ mashnut ~~~~~


	7. The Circle of Life

I never realised how hard it is to hide morning sickness from a doctor, never mind your husband. Eating breakfast has become a battle zone in its own right. Ben fights with me to get me to eat any kind of "food" (It can't really be called food here!) and I fight with Ben to get him to leave me alone, so I can throw up what he made me eat. BJ, Margaret and Radar were getting annoyed with us, only Potter was paying any attention to me.

"ATTENTION, ATTENTION. CAPTAIN JENNIFER PIERCE TO COLONEL POTTER'S OFFICE. THAT WILL BE ALL."

"You wanted to see me, Sir?" I arrived straight from Post-Op duty.

"Yes, Jennifer . Why are you biting Benjamin's head off all the time?"

"I just don't want to eat in the mornings." It had only been one month. I wasn't going to let the cat out of the bag yet.

"You should. You're pregnant again."

"How do you know?"

"I am a doctor. What stuns me is that Hawkeye can't tell." Potter sat back and smiled.

"Maybe he can but I haven't said anything to anyone." I didn't tell Potter and with luck he wouldn't tell Ben.

"I won't tell him if you go when you're four months gone."

"That only leaves me with two more months," I replied with a heavy heart, "But I'll go quietly this time."

"You've kept it quiet. I only figured it out this morning. You may go. I'll see you at dinner."

"See you then, Sir."

I went back to the V.I.P. tent and to Ben, who was sleeping off the effects of late night surgery.

"Ben. BEN. I have something to tell you."

"BJ again?" Ben mumbled sleepily.

"Nope. I think you will like this." Ben sat up, rubbing the sleep from his blue eyes.

"What is it?"

"I'm…." I didn't get to finish.

"Pregnant?"

"Now, how did you know?"

"I'm not that stupid."

"That's what I was talking to Potter about. I've only got two months left."

"I've been thinking. Maybe you shouldn't have to go to Crabapple Cove."

"What do you mean? I have do go home."

"What if we got a flat or something in Tokyo?"

"Then you could come and visit. When there isn't a rush, of course."

"That was what I was thinking."

"Money isn't a problem. I saved loads because you and BJ have the still."

"You could stay till the end of the war. Then we will go home together."

It didn't take long to find a flat. It was really small but there was enough space for me, and Ben when he could come to visit. The expectant father was driving me up the wall. Like I couldn't look after myself. Damn checkups every five minutes and his desperation to do everything for me. At eight months it was getting harder to do housework and I wished that Ben was closer. I decided to visit the 4077th no matter how risky it was.

I set off in the morning, since I knew that it would take most of the day to get there. There wasn't a rush which was good and I got to meet my replacement, a "Charles Emerson Winchester the 3rd " as he put it. He is a bit posh if you ask me. Not Ben and BJ's kind of person. Still at least I got to talk to Margaret again. We hadn't talked since I moved away.

"How goes the pregnancy?"

"This is the worst part. All the waiting, kicking and back pain. And that's just from Ben. I'm guessing that the birth will be a lot worse than any of this."

"It shouldn't be too bad. Have you talked to your mother recently?" The thing about my mother is that she resented the fact that I got married so far away and without her being there, to a man she hadn't met. Me carrying her grandchild didn't matter, apparently. 

"She shouted for a while, then told me all the first births in our family take at least nine hours. That isn't what I wanted to hear."

"It might not run through all of the family. Where are you having the birth, by the way?"

"Here? Not a Tokyo hospital anyway. I wanted you to be there. And Ben, of course." 

"You want me to be there?"

"Yes. Why shouldn't I? How many births have you seen? There isn't anyone more qualified. In my mind."

"The fighting has moved north at the moment. I think you could and should stay. Talking Colonel Potter around should be a breeze. Since it would be better for you medically speaking."

Margaret, Ben and BJ talked round Potter. I stayed in the V.I.P. tent again. No-one understood how much I had missed being in Benjamin's arms every night. This safe feeling when I could hear his heart beat as my head lay on his chest. Now I had another heart beat to listen to. I borrowed one of the stethoscopes from the supply tent so I could hear the baby's heart. Ben used to bring one when he came to visit but he never left it behind.

The first contraction came after just two days at camp. Late at night the baby started kicking and there was this kind of pain that made me want to claw at something. It went as quickly as it came and I wondered if it was an actual contraction. Since it was followed by another twelve minutes later, I thought it was a safe assumption. 

"Ben, it's time."


	8. The Newest Recruit

"Ben, it's time."

"What?"

"Come on. Get up. It's time to put that diploma into practice." Another contraction hit just as I finished. I have never seen Ben go so pale so fast. "Go wake Margaret." All he managed was a nod before running out of the tent and across the compound. Contractions aren't that bad really. I wanted to snap iron girders but they're O.K. Margaret was at least coherent when she arrived.

"How far apart are they?"

"About nine minutes now." My contractions had great timing. As I finished speaking one hit.

"Just breathe. You'll be fine. Nearly there." Ben curled up at my head, supporting my shoulders as Margaret worked away. Any mother will say that trying to push something the size of a melon out a space the size of a lemon will hurt. And it does. Like hell. Margaret shouted push and I crushed poor Ben's hand into dust.

"The cord is around the neck. Just hold on."

"Are you sure? Will it be O.K.?" Ben had started to panic. He didn't want to move but didn't want to stay.

"All done. At the next contraction just push as normal."

"At least it's not nine hours!" I joked and yet again the impeccable timing kicking in.

"It's a boy!" Margaret shouted above the crying of our son. She handed the tiny baby to me while Ben cried on to my shoulder. I noticed that apart from being the most beautiful baby in the world, he had inherited Ben's soft black hair and long fingered hands. Yet he hadn't gotten Ben's eyes. He got my bright green ones.

"Thought of a name yet?" I hadn't noticed that Margaret had finished and woken Colonel Potter and BJ.

"Ben, do you want to tell all?"

"John Henry Daniel Pierce. After Henry Blake, Trapper John MacIntyre and my father."

"Congratulations."


	9. Home Sweet Home

Epilogue

After the war ended Ben, John and I went home to Crabapple cove where (to over use the phrase) we lived happily ever after. The house was more spectacular that Ben had ever said it was, with enough rooms for Daniel to stay as well as the newest member of the Pierce clan, Margaret Pierce. Little Margaret was born exactly two years after the war ended and she was a month and a half premature. Delivered by her namesake, Margaret Houlihan, she inherited my blonde hair and Ben's blue eyes.

~~~~~ Happy ever after ~~~~~ Love mashnut


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